For wanting this baby out now?

I haven't had a TERRIBLE pregnancy, but it hasn't been smooth sailing by any means. I was EXTREMELY sick for the first 18 weeks, and as a result I lost over 20kgs (mind u I am/was overweight to begin with)

But then, things that have happened to DH and I non-pregnancy related have made me just feel so so down.

But that's not what's the problem now.. I had actually been loving my pregnancy, despite being sick, and tired, and whatnot, I am growing a beautiful little baby inside of me that my DH and I created!!

Over the past couple weeks, I'd started getting slight hip pain, nothing major, was calmed by a bath and some rest. All I had to do was not move heavy items when it was sore, and take it easy.

But for the past 3 days the pain in both my hips has been EXCRUCIATING!!! to the point it hurts to just lie down and not move! It hurts to walk, it hurts to roll over, nothing relieves this pain, and I even saw my doc (who said the worst is yet to come, effectively) and talked to my IM (who said some pain is normal) but surely THIS much pain isn't!?

To top it off as well, the circulation in my legs has gotten REALLY bad, to the point where just standing and not moving causes my legs to look like someones tied a string around them really tight (they're going purple/red) and it's the same if I sit down on a normal chair, no matter how I sit in it! The only time it doesn't do it is when I'm lying flat....

I worry about how this is effecting Squish, since I've been in such pain she hasn't been moving as much (still some movements, but nothing to her usual self!) can she tell that I'm in pain? Is she uncomfortable or is it affecting her somehow?

I honestly don't know how long I will be able to last if this keeps going on this way.. Defintely not another 11 weeks, i feel barely capable of coping with just 1 more week!!

I don't know if I should go to hospital? And if I do, I can almost guarantee my wish of a Homebirth is out the window, but sadly enough, atm, I really don't care, I just feel like I want this baby out!!!

And I feel so horrible for saying that because I know she should be safe inside my tum for at LEAST another 8 weeks...

I dont know what i want out of this... I just need to get this out... I feel like a horrible mother already for wanting her out so early...

If you got through all that, your a champ.. Go have a wine or some chocolate or something.... U deserve it...